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Expectations

hello!

It's already 'sian' have to live up to own expectations, and getting disappointed when dreams/ hope/ plans did not come true..

But it's worse if one have to live up to other people's expectations
What's the point of having face ah?

And talking about this, how to reduce the ego-ness?

We choose our own path because that's what we want- remember it, folks!
I always believe we are the sole designer of our lives, but nice people that comes along colour our lives, contributes, helps, whatever that makes it more meaningful
Donates more sunshine but not too heaty
Colors more rainbows after rain
Draw more twinkling stars at night

And the same (decolouration, haha:P) for those bad people..;)
Cause there's a need to balance or otherwise there'll be no reality and we'll probably living in heaven
Because lessons must be learned as we grow

But, what's the point to live up to other people's expectations? feels more burdened only
As if the rest of the parties can help to contribute anything, and anything but criticisms?

Wake up okay, life's never perfect, and so are people...

Happily ever after

Do I need to go back to square 1?

Having some serious thinking despite the heavy workload.. Coz tomorrow is a holiday
Kinda down thinking if I'm proceeding the right way
Am I choosing the right pathway? Route to... Anything?
Losing my patience too- I really wonder why
Perhaps, I'm not as relevant as I thought I am?
Feels like in a maze..or a few mazes of life
So long~

Pic source: dreamstime.com

I-want-life-back-soon!!

Lamenting here.. Probably too bored with writing zzzzz ==''

I guess my mom is wondering what will I do next.. I've not given her any clear cut plans
But feelings telling me, she's afraid that I'll make the wrong choice..
I wonder since when she doubts my choices or plans of life? Hmmm...

Anyway, recent few days/ weeks life is just like the time when I haven't gone through my QE (qualifying exam). That was urm, before march last year.. I can't believe how fast time flies..
If you had noticed earlier, i had always been complaining about this since I-dunno-when...but right now, in short: my current life is like this + wasting effort, unwanted results from bench work >< sigh @@

And my Prof wished me good luck after hearing my weird results...
*sarcasticlly* I thanked him :S

So long~

Brothers... Urgh...

Was telling my bro today: you only Hv one sis in ur lifetime u know!:p
(becoz he was too busy and tired to entertain me ><)
Anyway it was a lament from okay news to a good news ... So his reply could no longer be bothered:p
Happy news!!^^

And he's my brother whom was tired driving non stop for about 6 hrs today
Okayla.. Forgive him;)

Fall colours!!

Wish I could go for a holiday too!!
Jump on the piles of leaves
Lying on the grass, enjoying my book~
Run around the tress..
With a camera to snap around

So long....~

What an overly-emotional day

Yeah, it is..I can't believe myself too...has the world gone outside down? My early morning good mood was shattered in minutes by another person's sharp words and lack of confidence in the things that I was showing..
How I wish he could be more understanding...
I doubt if he could produce such things too =="
Both of us are in a rush for things...At least now he felt the rush too..
In fact i need to learn to manage my stress again..somehow lately, I admit that I'm a failure in this...
Really lousy
And I'm way afraid that I would get HBP in long run... though it is always an easy, happy-day life for me

Anyway, my whole day's mood until now =="

And I got myself nice desserts as a treat..

Anyway, finally I won the battle.. or so I felt..though it didn't feel good..at all

So long~

Fear of aging?!

It's not really the fear of t-h-a-t aging as you've thought..
Okay, let me describe here
I was rushing from school to the service centre to get an exchange for my iphone
Then i went back to home's nearby food centre to grab my simple beehoon and some veggies and egg and etc side dishes
But while i was crossing th road, I happened to notice someone strangely familiar holding a bag of groceries. The petite, fragile, aunt joyce was there, going to cross the road
What a surprise
In fact, i was really, really rushing... but I can't just leave her there, right?
Then i held her hand and took the grocery bag from her and held with the other hand
A bit heavy ...@@ Boy, she's tough!
Anyway the first word she said after smiling at me was eh? I was going to take a cab because I feel I can't make it
Actually to walk back to our house, it would roughly take 10mins only
Then she said she still have the neck pain from that day's sprain
So I decided to ask her to go see the doctor (as I had called my mom earlier and she said Aunt Joyce needs muscle relaxant)
Then came back home, I quickly cleared my laundry...And I need to wash another load actually :(
Procastinatiomn and too hefty work recently
ANyway, this is not my point yet...:S I'm babbling so much again~
Flashbacks...
The moment i saw her crossing the road, I suddenly realise she's very elderly
Scares me
Really...
I don't want to be like that...

It's just too...............scaryy~

hmmm..smelling flowers?

looking at my just-previous blog made me subconsciously smile, but with bitter feelings too
*admitting
hmmmm...:P
actually, i realised that it ain't as simple loh..i was just about to running + enjoying the view along the way, but suddenly got stopped by strangers asking me not to indulge in the flowers anymore because the land is going to be re-developed- means no more flowers/tress/passers-by walking-the-dogs/etc

in fact, the sentence mentioned above is just a statement and an irrelevant example that i could think of to convey my current feelings
and life
#meansidontmeantherealthinghere

so so confused at the moment
the choice that i currently-in-the-midst-of-making....so terrible?
i never doubted my choice/ path all along
though i care a lot on what they tell me
but asking me to go against my own will
is something that i doubt i wanna do at this age, anymore
so many choices/ opinions given earlier didn't benefit me
but i really don't know why i care so much on their opinion at the moment
when my feelings' telling me it's supposed to be right and they don't know the real situation

bla bla bla
#imblabbingagain
=.="

in fact, i'm disappointed with myself too...
but it's ever fair to compare, right? so why? all my life i'm never into comparing because i know every individual is different
i want to go against their will!!

oops
i'm actually having writer's block so reach here to babble a while
tata

balancing between fun and responsibilities

trying to balance life indulgences and responsibilities at the same time...instead of running in a marathon only- why not run along and smell the flowers at the same time huh? =)

weird weird lately

Yeah..is really weird weird case lately
Wondering what's wrong with myself too
Been irritated easier than before

eg 1:
bought breakfast for her as she sprained her back last week, wed i think, and she insisted i take the money every morning until saturday morning, when she actually handed me the money. i was zzzzz, and asked her, why so calculative?
erm, of coz i won't take the money la..i am as stubborn as a cow okay!

eg2:
washed toilet for her just only (yes I know is late at this hour, but at first i thought want to leave the bleach on as disinfectant until the next morning (previously i scrubbed hard at the walls and i think it's energy draining, especially for someone like me who always OT in school). finally decided to wait about 5 mins and rinse and scrub the walls off (after spraying with bleach), actually this is very easy. This was what i used to do at home, and glad that I have with the freedom of without my parents complaining of the bleach smell. I was worried that the stench would go into my landlady's room since you know lah, this is not back home where every compound is much bigger.

BTW, i did the more environmental-friendly way before by using vinegar, but the stench was really strong. I didn't dare to use it anymore already.

Anyway, just now, she came out at this hour to the toilet (coz she heard water running), and only to realise that i was using the toilet. and washed the toilet. she said, you only give me the rental, this is not your job. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
I feel really iritated loh. Perhaps she is also with bad mood since her back pain will take time to heal.
I know she's in bad mood because I'm always not at home- either work late or loiter around :S
What can I do leh?

What is wrong with me lah?
sigh

Okayla, just lamenting here. My monday blues is still on and I'm supposed to hand something soon but i wasn't doing anything related to it at all.

=.="

#stressedbecauseofworkandthuslookingforhouseworktodo

Too comfy at home-aka-room already

Good nite! :P

Never grow old?

Feel like I've never grown old enough, with pretty dramatic changes in mood now and then
And changing passions
Getting bored with used-to-want-to things
As I go on with this, i feel like doing something else
And so on
Been rushing almost entire this study journey
Is it really testing my patience or determination, I wonder?
Realised that my endurance is really low at times. Perhaps is due to lower motivations?
Or is it because of pessimism as I go on? Eh. The faster u want something to be done, the worse it became
Perhaps also, it's about how much I treasure flying time at times
So emo post today Hor?
In fact, it's not really emo actually, just reflecting. I realised that from day 1 itself, I've always complained of insufficient time and until now
Zzzzzz
It's like I'm always on roller- coaster, and this is totally different from my few months journey during my previous work trip many years ago, where everything was slow and relaxing and.. Whatever=='
Don't know how much more I've got to learn tk be better and more determined and matured
Have to think more wisely I guess
Ie, I'm not wasting my time here. I must not work to enjoy only. Arrghhh.. Seemed hard for someone playful like me actually
When all I thought was if I could do something else more meaningful, and things would be better
Perhaps is some weird crisis feelings going over me right now
Whatever it is, all the best lah~
One more, really really salute those that kept meeting bumps and still so so so determined!! I know who you are;) :*
Will keep learning!!!!

No longer finds it noble?

Either it's because of that or because I'm not that naive anymore in this field.. Alright I'm just babbling... I should learn and appreciate these rare chances Be thankful Be bold...

KTM woodlands to KL

Finally tried the Singapore Woodlands KTM train to KL Sentral, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. 
Usually, to go to Johor Bahru (Jb), I would take mrt to kranji mrt, and then board 160 or 170 bus from there. The bus queue to Jb is usually long at peak hours, so that means you can safely queue up even without asking anyone there. Do take note that bus 160 or 170 also picks up passengers from Jb to Kranji MRT, and thus the buses with these numbers that stop by the bus stop only have alighting passengers but not for those that are heading to woodlands CIQ- immigration. 

As for my story, as I had boarded from kl back to woodlands before, I was overconfident that the way to the ktm station at woodlands (#my first time taking train from singapore to kl) would be somewhere near the immigration. Thus, I took the exact route and on reaching the entrance of CIQ woodlands, moments before heading for immigration checkpoint, l sensed that this way doesn't make any sense. And so, I went to the security counter with few friendly police officers and asked if it's right to head for the immigration. Luckily the friendly police officer told me that I am still early, and would be able to walk across the long bridge to the woodlands Sheng siong.  He said: do you see the very bright lights far over there ( referring to the lights at the new woodlands ktm building)? Go down the lift, then walk straight to exit where you'll find lots of benches. That's where you'll be departing from. And he smiled. I was thankful with his friendliness and helpfulness but erm, in a rush, I forgot to look st his name:p
Anyway, it was really long, long way.., erm I mean, bout 10mins walk.

Lesson 1: remember to ask the bus driver when you're about to board from kranji if the bus stops at Sheng siong woodlands ( that's where to board the train to KL) I need to check out the bus numbers too...

Lesson 2: there are washrooms at departure hall while waiting to board train so no worries ( I was rushing for it before immigration checkpoint, worried that I couldn't see any during my long walks from the first wrong stop to the train departing hall..)

Lesson 3: read more of the following notes and you'd know;)

And then we checked out through Singapore and Malaysia's immigration there. After that, I only proceeded with the 1130pm train. However, the service is still delayed as usual- which I never understood. Someway on the bridge between Singapore and Malaysia, the train halted for at least 20mins already ( that explains all my writing here is done within the waiting time>< 
I just don't understand why there is never an improvement in this even after so long! Perhaps there's an underlying problem that halts this train for direct departure which we'll never know..

Anyway I'll try to get a nap now (12.09am) somewhere on the bridge between SIN and Msia. Sigh. Good nite..

P/s: moving now at 12.11am!!:)

Lesson 3: 
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that although you have bought allocated seats and board from Singapore, the system works as u just take any seats from Singapore as you'd be changing train when you reach Jb. Actually this is good also as at Jb, the train is already occupied with those boarding from Jb.. 

Finally I can have my sleep at 1222am.. Good nite!!

well well, what's next?

I wish I could fly kites at any time that I want
Or watch movies non-stop like I used to do
I wish I could listen to songs all day long
And sleep all night and day long that I thought I could
Or hug and play with my beloved dog all day, disturbing him when he's asleep and scratching his head for as long as he wants
and then tightly hugs him

*lazy thinking mentality right?
sigh

Wondering why environment forces our life to be more difficult each day
Is this a consequence of the ambitions that we are chasing?
The higher we aim, the harder it is..and the higher we climb?

It suddenly strikes me today, well, what's next?
It's like no longer another motivating reason to do things that are supposed to be done

Yeap yeap, I know
And therefore, i wonder
what would i feel if i'm working and i feel no motivations anymore?
something really deep to ponder for now..

perhaps been overthinking lately
and as it's a monday again tomorrow

oops so sorry for an emo post
it's just something that came across my mind today
perhaps, i'm going to another stage of more 'matured' life
perhaps, it's just because it's a monday blues

we can't always get all we want, right?

so long~